Damn U!!!!... :)

sometimes i wonder if i would have been better off not knowing u... no more days spent wanting to be with u when i know i cant... no more nights spent tossing and turning wondering if ur with someone else... no more crying for what isn't there anymore... no more furtive glances at the cell phone wondering if u'll call or msg today... no more crossing my fingers as i sign into messenger for just an offline... no more listening to 'I dont want to miss a thing' and not being sure whether to smile or cry... no more feeling that i cant take it anymore... but then there wont be that smile when i hear a song on the radio and it reminds me of u... no twinkle in my eye when out of the blue i remember something u said... no sudden flutter in the heart when i see ur msg or call... no odd sense of peace when i close my eyes and see ur face... nothing... just plain long drawn numbness... without u i wouldn't be the same me... u've taught me so much... about myself, about life, about the world... and if the only way i could be with u is in my heart then so be it... i would rather know u and live with just ur memories than not know u and not know what it is like to be in love... as u once said

TO LOVE IS ALL, TO BE LOVED IN RETURN IS DIVINE!!..

damn u!!!... uve really messed me up!!!.. and i love u for that too!!.. :)

It Rained That Night

wrote this one some time back... this one's closest to my heart... its like deciding which one of ur kids is ur favorite... and this would pretty much be the front runner for me... lol..
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IT RAINED THAT NIGHT


Heavens looked down,
The gods too cried,
I looked up with hopeless eyes,
As it rained that night.

It was the night of love,
It was the night of hate,
But above all that love and hate,
It was the night of tearful fate.

Winds gushing around me,
Trying to engulf my pain,
Tears pouring down my face,
Mixing with the falling rain.

Waves tickling my bare feet,
Splashing to protect me from the world,
Taking me with them as they go,
Trying to befriend a lost little girl.

A boat out in the distance,
Sailing farther away from me,
The starless sky, the moonless night,
Have to feel my way, cant see.

I walk the damp sands,
Towards the centre of the ocean,
See the last night of life,
Am never going to see the rising sun.

Heavens looked down,
The gods too cried,
I looked into the darkness ahead,
Oh!!! It rained that night.

Something I Can Never Have

i cried myself to sleep last night... i dont even remember crying... all i know is that when i got up, my eyes were bloodshot and puffy... and then i recalled everything that happened... i cried for u after a very long time... not because of u, for u... i cried for times we spent together... for everything there was... for everything i miss... for having to act like im ok without u... for not being able to meet u... for a whole lot of things that i fail to understand myself... and i know that ill still dream of u... of how happy just a msg from u makes me... about how ur the only guy i have ever loved and still do even though i keep trying to reason with myself that its not worth it... about how i argue with myself when it comes to u... about how my heart wants u and how my mind wont let me be with u... deep down i know that u being u will never realize just how much i love u and me being me will never try to explain it to u... some things never change!!!
came across this song and it reminded me of u...

SOMETHING I CAN NEVER HAVE
-Nine Inch Nails


I still recall the taste of your tears
Echoing your voice just like the ringing in my ears
My favorite dreams of you still wash ashore
Scraping through my head till I don't want to sleep anymore

You make this all go away
You make this all go away
I'm down to just one thing and I'm starting to scare myself
You make this all go away
You make this all go away
I just want something
I just want something I can never have

You always were the one to show me how
Back then I couldn't do the things that I can do now
This thing is slowly taking me apart
Grey would be the color if I had a heart

Come on tell me
You make this all go away
You make this all go away
I'm down to just one thing and I'm starting to scare myself
You make this all go away
You make this all go away
I just want something
I just want something I can never have

In this place it seems like such a shame
Though it all looks different now, I know it's still the same
Everywhere I look you're all I see
Just a fading fucking reminder of who I used to be

Come on tell me
You make this all go away
You make this all go away
I'm down to just one thing and I'm starting to scare myself
You make this all go away
You make this all go away
I just want something
I just want something I can never have
I just want something I can never have

Love Sucks!!!

Couldn't have said it better!!!

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.”

Here's another one...

“You know that when I hate you, it is because I love you to a point of passion that unhinges my soul.”

Im Single and "Unavailable"!!... YEAH BABY!!!

ahh... its VALENTINE'S DAY again...

funny how it invokes different reactions from different people!!!... there r ppl who brood about being single on the day... others who spend every waking minute with their valentine.. and there are others for whom its just another day... i (proudly) belong to the last category... so much so that the first time i had someone to call my "valentine" i was sleeping soundly at the stroke of midnight while the poor guy kept trying to call me so that he was the first one to wish me... and come to think of it... he wasnt... i woke up somewhere around 2 and a friend of mine called and we ended up wishing each other before anyone else... and just after i kept his phone i saw 6 messages and 24 missed calls flashing on the screen.. all from one number... he made such a big deal out of valentines day and it was kinda sweet to see him put so much of effort into it but i really didnt need the fuss... so its valentines day!!... big deal!!.. really isnt that important to stay awake past midnight just to be the first one to wish someone... i just dont get the point about making such a big deal out of one day... its more special when its unexpected...as for valentine's day u know ur guy is going to plan something... just like everyone else's... but hey... thats just me... whatever works for u!!... and as for being single on valentine's day... i dont see it as a reason to brood... get together with other single friends... do fun stuff... or just spend time with the one you love the most - YOURSELF!!

do we really need a special day to make the one we love feel special??... is that really what "LOVE" is all about??... *sigh*

The Truth about Love

with Valentine's Day just round the corner i heard this quote....

Love isn't about being "IN LOVE"..... its about fancy status messages and supposedly assiduous romantic days... weeks... months.... damn you HALLMARK!!!!

Amen to that!!!...

nope... im not a cynic when it comes to love but more on that later!!!... i must hit the books now... my college's idea of the perfect Valentine's day is to have tests the day before, on and the day after Valentine's day... i just try to explain to myself that they probably think that books should be my only love while im still in college!!!... not that it helps though!!!

Dating Your Best Friend?

Is it a good idea for best friends to start dating??

this is one loaded question!!.. lets see... maybe its a great idea... someone who accepts you the way you are and someone you're very comfortable with... isn't that what we all look for in a relationship!!!... maybe not!!!... would you like being with someone who could read your mind even at times you dont want them to??... someone who already has sky-high expectations from you as a friend and now that increases even more... how about there being no mystery left in the relationship since you already know each other inside out??... talk about two sides of a coin!!!

but what happens if it doesn't work out??... can you still be great friends??... or do you cringe at the very thought of them??... I've known both kinds of people... I've even been in both the situations!!!... lets just imagine what happens if you remain great friends who decide to end the relationship amiably... you talk about it and decide that it is probably the best thing to do but promise to be the same friends that you were... maybe even better friends than that... you talk about everything under the sun... you think that it will all work out beautifully... but actually one or maybe even both of you are hung up on the other and are just playing along and acting like every thing's great... you still feel the same way and cant get over the feelings that you shouldn't be having anymore... you cant stand the fact that maybe you are not the only person in the other person's life and they do have other friends too... so you start picking up on things that never really mattered before... 'How could you do this?' or 'I would never have done something like that!' or 'You've changed!' and it goes on and on and on... so which one of the two suffers the most in such a situation??... the one who 'seems to have' moved on or the one who cant accept the way things have changed??
.
.
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i guess there cant be any definite answer to this but my guess would be both of them!!!... one of them cant understand why things have to change between the two of them and that hurts... and the other is trying to disguise their feelings to an extent that it hurts way too much... and to keep all that inside you has got to hurt!!!...
so i guess there's no good way out of love!!!... probably the reason why all of us never want to be out of love!!!...