18 TILL I DIE!!!

the clock is ticking... the minutes are passing... the realization is setting in... im no longer going to be 18!!!!... 19 seemed so old a year back... and now its almost here... im getting OLD!!!... so much i have yet to do... so much left to achieve... so many amends to make... and time flying by so quickly... i wish i had taken more photographs last year... but i know ill remember the moments that i want to... and some that i dont... lol... 18 had such a novelty about it... theres nothing special about 19... its just another number... but i know my family and friends r going to make it as memorable as any other year!!!... so many dreams to fulfill... so much love to give... so much more fun to have!!!... im gonna be 18 TILL I DIE!!!!

Birthday Blues!!!

My birthday is almost here and people keep asking me what i want as a present... and there's nothing i can come up with... and not just because they ask out of formality(yes!!... people do that... always!!!... even when they don't know when your birthday exactly is!!) but because i don't really want anything materialistic!!!... simple things would mean much more to me... The only thing I would like is a surprise birthday party but that isn't something I can say I want... can I???.... :-P... so here's a list of things i would actually like this year-

• Artificial Flowers - Every year I get real flowers that die in a few days... I'd like something that was different from what everyone else always gets... something i wouldn't have to throw away in a couple of days...

• A Handmade Card - doesn't have to be artistic... just a simple 'Happy Birthday' scribbled on a piece of paper would work better than an Archie's or Hallmark card... its just about the effort...

• CD - I do have all the music I listen to but would be nice if someone took out the time to write a CD for me that includes songs I like/ songs they like/ songs they think I might like/ songs that remind me of them or the other way round... etc.. etc..

• A Surprise visit from someone i don't expect to meet on the day - A surprise is a surprise is a surprise is a....!!!

• A Homemade Cake - Every year they get me a cake(sometimes even 2-3 when people cant figure out what to get) from a fancy 5-star bakery... I would love a homemade cake...

• A Warm Hug - from people I care about and who care about me... not just from anyone!!!

• A Song - just the thought of someone singing for me is awesome...

• A List of things people like about me - Come on... there's gotta be something or you wouldn't have bothered giving me a gift!!!... ;-)

• A Photo Collage - a reminder of the good times we've shared...
  

And I dub thee "Queen of Wishful Thinking".... I have way too many expectations!!... What I really need to get is a LIFE!!!...

Love Sucks!!!

Couldn't have said it better!!!

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.”

Here's another one...

“You know that when I hate you, it is because I love you to a point of passion that unhinges my soul.”

Sabse Peeche Hum Khade

This song is from the movie "Let's Enjoy" (which had the more popular track 'Dhol Wajda') and very few people seem to have heard it... its a nice song with good lyrics... something a lot of us can relate to... listen to it if u haven't already...


Zara nazar uthake dekho
Baithe hain hum yahin
Bekhabar mujhse kyon ho
Itne bure bhi hum nahin

Zamaane ki baaton mein uljho na
Hai yeh aasaan janana
Khud se jo agar tum poochho
Hain hum tumhare ke nahi

Teri aankhon ka jaadu
Poori duniya pe hai
Duniya ki iss bheed mein
Sabse peeche hum khade

Mehfilein aayi aur gayi
Log aaye aur gaye
Tum jo aaj aaye ho
Dil mein ho bas gaye

Muskurake baat taalo na
Phir miloge jo kahin
Dekhana yahi kahoge
Itne bure the hum nahi

Teri aankhon ka jaadu
Poori duniya pe hai
Duniya ki is bheed mein
Sabse peeche hum khade

Im Single and "Unavailable"!!... YEAH BABY!!!

ahh... its VALENTINE'S DAY again...

funny how it invokes different reactions from different people!!!... there r ppl who brood about being single on the day... others who spend every waking minute with their valentine.. and there are others for whom its just another day... i (proudly) belong to the last category... so much so that the first time i had someone to call my "valentine" i was sleeping soundly at the stroke of midnight while the poor guy kept trying to call me so that he was the first one to wish me... and come to think of it... he wasnt... i woke up somewhere around 2 and a friend of mine called and we ended up wishing each other before anyone else... and just after i kept his phone i saw 6 messages and 24 missed calls flashing on the screen.. all from one number... he made such a big deal out of valentines day and it was kinda sweet to see him put so much of effort into it but i really didnt need the fuss... so its valentines day!!... big deal!!.. really isnt that important to stay awake past midnight just to be the first one to wish someone... i just dont get the point about making such a big deal out of one day... its more special when its unexpected...as for valentine's day u know ur guy is going to plan something... just like everyone else's... but hey... thats just me... whatever works for u!!... and as for being single on valentine's day... i dont see it as a reason to brood... get together with other single friends... do fun stuff... or just spend time with the one you love the most - YOURSELF!!

do we really need a special day to make the one we love feel special??... is that really what "LOVE" is all about??... *sigh*

Celebrating the Weather

The weather today was just out of the world... no sun and amazing wind throughout the day... and then it rained in the evening!!... i just love when it rains... everything is so fresh and green... makes you want to dance!!.. so after a very very long time today (i am so lazy that its not even funny) i went for a walk in the park with my sister.. just the 2 of us... female bonding!!... lol... she has exams coming up so she needed the break and im always game for going out... yes even if its just to the park... so the 2 of us just walked around and talked about a lot of stuff... music, movies, relatives, guys, friends, future... the usual stuff... shes a little younger so i give her advice sometimes and she likes hearing about my college and friends... just the cold breeze blowing against our faces and being so close to nature was what made it all the more magical... so it was the perfect sunday. i realized that i have tests from tomorrow but even that failed to dampen my spirits today... it doesnt feel like new delhi in february at all... the only thing missing was a long drive down an empty road (now thats wishful thinking... the traffic here is killing!!)...

someone once asked me which one i like better... summer or winter??... i said rain!!... it always matches up to my mood... its just about how i perceive it... if im happy i imagine the little droplets of water dancing with me in joy and when im down in the dumps i feel like it knows my pain and is crying with me... Sad rain(read: when im sad and it rains) always reminds me of 2 things...

1. a quote by Charlie Chaplin that goes like this...

"I love walking in the rain 'cause no one knows im crying"

2. a line from the song November Rain by Guns N Roses...

"Cause nothing lasts forever,
Even cold november rain."

i know its conflicting that while the first reminds me that im upset and hurt, the second has an optimistic take on things... but thats just how it is... I LOVE RAIN!!!... Period.

The Truth about Love

with Valentine's Day just round the corner i heard this quote....

Love isn't about being "IN LOVE"..... its about fancy status messages and supposedly assiduous romantic days... weeks... months.... damn you HALLMARK!!!!

Amen to that!!!...

nope... im not a cynic when it comes to love but more on that later!!!... i must hit the books now... my college's idea of the perfect Valentine's day is to have tests the day before, on and the day after Valentine's day... i just try to explain to myself that they probably think that books should be my only love while im still in college!!!... not that it helps though!!!

Dont hold on too Tight!!

After a long time i happen to be in a good mood today... things haven't been going my way for quite some time and I've been acting weirdly because of all that but finally sorted out some of the stuff... so I'm finally back on great terms with my best friend after having this whole possessive phase where i ended up realizing that i was being unreasonable and trying to hold on to her too tight!!... poor girl!!... feel bad about it now but i guess that isn't going to happen anymore... the more you try to hold on to something the sooner you end up losing it... its like a pool of water in your hand... the tighter you clench your fist, the more water flows out... i guess we've all heard this one... "If you love someone, set them free... if they come back, they are yours... if they don't, they never were." but i guess most of us use the modified version... (i know i sometimes do!!).. "If you love someone, put a chain around their neck lest they'll flee." and that's how we end up pushing them farther away from us... its just about trying too hard and exactly the opposite happening... all we do is end up choking the other person and hampering their space... i guess this happens with all relationships... friends, lovers, parents... and the worst part is we don't realize what we are doing... and by the time we do realize, its often too late!!... I'm just glad that i realized it all in good time!!!...


this one's for you because i know i was wrong and even though i know you're never going to read this i just wanted to say sorry for any hurt that i caused... i know u didn't ask for any explanations but i just hope that in your heart you know it was unintentional... you know i love you and care about you but its just that sometimes i tend to act stupid and hurt you even though i don't mean to... i know you're always there to support me and correct me and thanks for always being there for me... you're the best friend anyone can ever ask for... i love you sweety...

Celebration means LIFE!!!!

i got this forward and it brought an instant smile to my face.... so i just wanted to share this with everyone... keep smiling!!... :-)

CELEBRATION means......

A winter evening.
Four friends.
One barsaati.
Four glasses of chai.
(OR)

Hundred bucks of gas.
A rusty old bike.
And an open road.
(OR)

Maggi noodles.
A hostel room.
4.25 a.m.
(OR)

3 old friends.
3 separate cities.
3 coffee mugs.
1 Internet messenger.
(OR)

Rain on a hot tin roof.
Pakoras deep-frying.
Neighbours dropping in.
A party.
(OR)

You and mom.
A bottle of coconut oil.
A head massage.
Gossiping about absent family members.

You can spend
Hundreds on birthdays,
Thousands on festivals,
Lakhs on weddings,

but to celebrate
all you have to do is spend your TIME.
Keep in touch with your loved ones ........

Hazaaron Khwahishein Aisi

this is one of the best ghazals that i've heard... the lyrics are so beautiful that they just stay with u... but u dont expect anything less from Ghalib... anyone who's ever been in love and had their heart broken would be able to identify with this... the depth of the lyrics is such that it completely enthralls you...


Hazaaron khwahishein aisi,
ki har khwahish pe dum nikle,
bahut nikle mere armaan,
lekin phir bhi kam nikle.

Nikalna khuld se aadam ka,
sunte aaye hain lekin,
bahut be-abroo ho kar,
tere kooche se hum nikle.

Mohabbat mein nahi hai,
farq jeene aur marne ka,
ussi ko dekh kar jeete hain,
jis kaafir pe dum nikle.

Khuda ke vaaste,
pardaah na kaabe se uthha zaalim,
kahin aisa na ho yaan bhi,
wohi kaafir sanam nikle.

Kahaan maikhaane ka darwaaza Ghalib,
aur kahaan waaiz,
par itna jaante hain kal,
woh jaata tha ki hum nikle.

Hazaaron khwahishein aisi,
ki har khwahish pe dum nikle,
bahut nikle mere armaan,
lekin phir bhi kam nikle.


...so true... *sigh*...


A thousand desires such...
that each worth dying for...
So many of them fulfilled...
Yet so few!!!!

Dating Your Best Friend?

Is it a good idea for best friends to start dating??

this is one loaded question!!.. lets see... maybe its a great idea... someone who accepts you the way you are and someone you're very comfortable with... isn't that what we all look for in a relationship!!!... maybe not!!!... would you like being with someone who could read your mind even at times you dont want them to??... someone who already has sky-high expectations from you as a friend and now that increases even more... how about there being no mystery left in the relationship since you already know each other inside out??... talk about two sides of a coin!!!

but what happens if it doesn't work out??... can you still be great friends??... or do you cringe at the very thought of them??... I've known both kinds of people... I've even been in both the situations!!!... lets just imagine what happens if you remain great friends who decide to end the relationship amiably... you talk about it and decide that it is probably the best thing to do but promise to be the same friends that you were... maybe even better friends than that... you talk about everything under the sun... you think that it will all work out beautifully... but actually one or maybe even both of you are hung up on the other and are just playing along and acting like every thing's great... you still feel the same way and cant get over the feelings that you shouldn't be having anymore... you cant stand the fact that maybe you are not the only person in the other person's life and they do have other friends too... so you start picking up on things that never really mattered before... 'How could you do this?' or 'I would never have done something like that!' or 'You've changed!' and it goes on and on and on... so which one of the two suffers the most in such a situation??... the one who 'seems to have' moved on or the one who cant accept the way things have changed??
.
.
.
i guess there cant be any definite answer to this but my guess would be both of them!!!... one of them cant understand why things have to change between the two of them and that hurts... and the other is trying to disguise their feelings to an extent that it hurts way too much... and to keep all that inside you has got to hurt!!!...
so i guess there's no good way out of love!!!... probably the reason why all of us never want to be out of love!!!...

Simply Me

well... lets see... to start with... this is my first attempt at blogging... I've been toying with the idea of doing this for a long time but lets just say that im a born procrastinator!!... so here's a little about me...

Im an 18 yr old girl struggling with my second year of what i call torture i.e. engineering!!... im a people's person who often sits back and thinks that maybe life would have been a hell lot easier if i was an introvert... im tired of everyone having an opinion about me... im tired of pretending that i don't care about little things and they don't affect me at all when in reality i think of even the most trivial things... im an emotional fool and i cant help it no matter how hard i try... its just the way i am... i think too much about things that most people wont think twice about... maybe not even once... i hate it when people i care about are upset and i don't have a way of helping them... i hate it when i do something to upset people i really love because i never mean to... never!!.. i love my friends and am always there for them... i sometimes think that maybe i expect too much from them but still never change... i take life as it comes and don't get tensed about things... im very laid-back and easygoing... im also extremely lazy and dreamy... i love being with my friends and family... they are my support system... my worst nightmare is waking up one day and not having them around... i love to talk... i can talk and talk and talk... i love music... i know saying its the essence of life is way too cliche but its true... i write poems when i feel like it... i love watching movies... everything from action to sloppy romantic flicks to comedy... i love reading and solving puzzles... i love playing board games and the only games i ever play online are either puzzles or word games or mystery games... i love reading... i read everything from comics to storybooks to novels to magazines... i don't like studying at all... never!!!... i love sleeping... i once slept for 19 hours straight after which mom woke me up because she got worried... im a hopeless romantic at times but i never admit it... it doesn't take a lot to impress me but that doesn't mean im easy... it just means that im not very difficult to please... i don't have a jealous bone in my body but i am very possessive about my best friends... im not very good with judging people and only my good friends know how naive i am... i come across as a strong person who really doesn't give a shit about the world but people who know me well know otherwise... im not comfortable showing people that there's a very sensitive side to me so i usually act tough and indifferent... i cry on a lot of things that i never bothered telling people about because i want people to continue believing that im tough and can handle anything... because i don't want people worrying about me and feeling sorry for me... i somehow always manage to hurt people i care about the most... its never intentional but i guess life isn't always rainbows and butterflies... im a typical Pisces in the sense that like the 2 fishes swimming in opposite directions in my sun sign, im constantly torn between my heart and my mind... the biggest conflict i ever have with anyone is with myself... im a tomboy but i do like to dress up once in a while... im learning how to play the guitar... i love it even though i just started and am not very good at it... i love to party... most girls i know cant stand the taste of beer but i just love it... i hate confrontations and making people upset... i don't like people who are too like me because they freak me out... i get along with most people... i trust people too easily and end up having my trust broken a lot... that's just the way i am... im simply me... to sum it all up im just...

IRREVERSIBLY SCREWED!!!