the last few days have seen revelations of sorts... what people really think about me, what they really feel, how much they care, how much they take me for granted... too much to handle!!!... am i naive or just very dumb??... or does it mean the same thing??.. how come i fall for it everytime... and y do i make a resolve everytime something like this happens that im not going to let it happen again!!!... maybe i should just keep my distance from people.. y do i get close to people when i know im going to get hurt at the end of it... people u think are ur best friends and never really expect them to go anywhere, thts when it really hurts!!!... after being friends for so long they come up and say that they dont really trust u!!!... so what the hell r we friends for!!!.. just for showing the world that u have someone to hang out with??... give me a break!!!... and its even more difficult with that "IRON PRINCESS" tag to live up to... the one that makes everyone believe that u dont care about anything or anyone... nothing can ever affect u... the cool exterior u put up for the whole world is not understood by people u thought u were closest to... they just think they can come up and say anything cause they supposedly "know" u... if u did, u wouldn't have said that, would u??.. and i continue to fall into that vicious circle of taking those people for friends who r just not worth it!!!... i seriously need HELP!!!... i cant go on living life like "my life's an open book".... most people cant accept it... and most dont deserve to ever read the cover page of it!!!... a friend once coined a sentence that i wish i could be more like... "a locked diary with a lost key"... y cant people just say what they feel.. what they think.. i cant comprehend ulterior motives people have... i believe everyone to be what they portray themselves as... i need ot stop that like 15 years ago!!!... Fuck double standards!!!... Fuck hypocrisy!!!...
doesnt trust me!!... and i dont even know what i did to deserve it... if it was someone else who would have said it, i wouldn't have been this upset... i thought he was one of my best friends... well apparently he didnt ever consider me one... i cried the whole night just thinking how life is pasing me by... losing friends... people i really care about... maybe it means something that we r born alone and we die alone... we r meant to be alone in this world... no one there with us!!!... but i wish i could understand it as easily as i could write it!!!...
Update: 1:54 am 5th August, 2007
ironically its friendship's day!!!... what more can i say!!!
happy friendship's day!!!... atleast u cant betray me cause i dont know u!!!... anonymity rocks!!!
- Irreversibly Screwed
- Delhi, India
- My blog is the true me... and thats the reason no one i know is aware of its existence!!!... so much easier to be your true self if you aren't under scrutiny!!!
8 comments:
heheh yeah anonymity kinda rocks!happy friendship day to you too . cheer up.. if someone doesn't trust you, you can't do anything about it .. yeah obviously one feels bad... but what can you do.. you can't force someone to trust you.. let it be.. you know in your heart that you didn't do anything to break anyones trust so its all cool! you should be able to look at yourself in the mirror because you are your best friends. thats all that matters! truly..
and hey.. i tagged you
http://x-rayofmyheart.blogspot.com/2007/08/tagged-8-random-facts.html
yeah i've been thru that. and it sucks. really bad. and it hurts more than it sucks. my best frd told me i was his best friend but he was too embarrased to even talk to me in front of his frds.
anyway, don't worry it should get better.. that fellow might come to his senses.. till then.. don't cry.. not worth wasting tears over idiots...
hope u know, as i did, that i am better off without him hurting me all the time...
ya well... if he doesn't trust me.. shouldn't that be his problem!!!... thanx a ton guys...
yo, i think these are feelings we all go through... to cap it all, we get the blow only when we are already down, or already short of friends...
but then, we got to accept that occasionally, we make friends with a few of these kinds of hypocrites too... and like you cant be right all the time, you cant expect every friend u make to be as good as you are..
but then the problem, i feel betrayed all the time... so is it my fault. is it because i trust too much?.. this has worried me a lot of times, because i am a very open person, and in spite of all the experiences, i never guard myself very much against friends.... (in fact i hate myself for it, whenever i try to put that shield between me and my friends..) but now, i kind of accepted that I am happiest when i am at ease with people, and maybe im taking the easy way out, but i still dont suspect people of bad motives... of course, i dont go back to the friends who have let me down in the past...
yes, we got to accept that the best friends for you are rare... i believed i will get mine, and i have one... after so long of waiting and even abandoning hope. and what i got was much better than what i lost.... honest
but now, my happiness is not dependant on other people... see them all as people. who, just like me, are not perfect.. I am much more forgiving. but, when someone treats me wrongly for something not my fault, i just try to ignore it and move on... thats what i think you should do
But dont feel psychologically drained, because not everyone is a great friend. but that doesnt mean great friends are extinct. Keep praying. keep hoping, and what you believe in will happen...
finally a naughty thought... there would be people who consider me as their best friend. but i may not have realised... and Im so choosy about friends... just pray that i dont end up upsetting someone in my life in this regard.... :)
cheers and happy friendship day (belated, of cors)
actually even last saturday i was like hanging out with two friends and we were together counselling a new friend, who said he felt very lonely
and then these guys kept on saying they trusted each other so much, and all that blah blah, and i used to consider them as my best guy friends in chennai.... needless to say, i felt stunk. like, they never even would have considered this thought, or that it would affect me... but it did, and i just took leave and left quite soon... but yeah, we're still friends... we cant force someone to make us their best friends... i just remember the song "count your blessing"
Yeah it rocks..
:)
No matter what...
Earth may exhaust..
Seas may go empty..
n so many other things..
We will always be there to read u...understand...and
Comment...
Cheer up ....
:)
Hey we all get those days.
I can totally relate to your thoughts. I was recently betrayed by my very BEST FRIEND who left me alone when i needed him the most. Its hard, believe me, i have been through it but its none of your fault. I look at it as a blessing. Why would you even want to be with people who hurt you or who don't care? Why would you like to associate yourself with people who are so low and disgusting? Don't you feel glad that you found the "real" them? Or would you have liked it if you would have gone on without knowing the real them?
You are a better person, and there are better people out there for you. Its just a matter of looking around.
Be proud of who you are lady!
haha.. quite an amusing post.. though ur frame of mind may be diff..
saw ur comment in lemons blog.. u r absolutely right about mind blacking out when the compose box of blogger is on.. happens to me all the time.. i use notepad all the time too :)
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