When stuck in class....

im back... after a long hiatus where i sorted out a lot of stuff that was messing up my already screwed-up mind!!!... now i have a whole new bunch of thoughts to mess me up!!.. monotony sucks!!.. ;-)
well the last month has been quite a blur.. made some new friends, gave exams, finished project submissions, partied like hell, explored new places in and around town.. the works... now im officially free for a whole month.. no college.. no getting up early.. no teachers.. no attendance!!.. phew!!.. as of tomorrow im going for a short vacation.. away from this cold and off to the sandy beaches of GOA for a week with friends... yeah baby!!!.. and after college opens in the new year, im heading for on-campus placements!!.. so basically there's lots happening around..
i realized that for a change i will not procrastinate and plan ahead for the next semester!!... in case i attend any classes, here's the deal..

THINGS TO DO WHEN STUCK IN CLASS

1. Doodle..

2. play dumb charades.. believe me this can be hilarious specially since u cant get up or jump around and everyone around is staring at ur "gestures"..

3. sit in the first row and tap ur watch furiously every 5 minutes to check if its working.. most teachers get pretty pissed off.. and that is the only reason i go to class.. that and attendance!!.. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!..

4. repeat everything the teacher says in a sing-song voice..

5. play all ur ringtones one by one.. for the more daring and experienced, u can try "item numbers".. believe me imagining a male teacher shaking it on "dilwalon ke dil ka karaar" is amazing stuff... cheap thrills i know but it IS great fun..

6. write blog entries like this one..


ill be back in a week!!.. with a tan!!.. :-)
take care..

Enough with the whining... already!!!

sometimes i wonder when did my mind become so corrupt??... when did i lose the innocence of laughing on a nice clean joke... now all my jokes have hidden meanings... the first reaction when someone says something is to imagine all possible dirty interpretations... i was never the kind who got all the dirty jokes but now i laugh even before most guys can think of the 'other' meaning... is it wrong for a girl to understand things too much... its pretty obvious and usually hits bulls eye!!!.. just because i get all sexual jokes doesnt make me loose!!.. it just means i dont pretend if i understand things and my IQ isnt as low!!!.. maybe i dont live in an open enough society where a girl can be as tough as a guy without being termed fast.. maybe guys see it as a threat.. maybe they dont have the balls to accept a girl with guts and a cheeky tongue.. most people dont bother really knowing u.. even 'friends'.. everyone judges u for who they think u r... stupid hypocrites!!!..

i just realized that most of my posts thesedays have something to do with people judging me all the time and my being frustrated with those very people... in my defence its my blog and that is exactly what im going through!!!... i just feel a little abandoned.. its one of those days when nothing goes wrong but nothing really goes right either.. i feel frustrated with nothing happening... its driving me up the wall.. its forcing me to think and usually not very pleasant thoughts.. it makes me feel lonely and i hate the mere thought of it.. the desire to be accepted... im too much of an outcast already though most of the times i dont bother about it... but i guess i dont always like to take the road less travelled... fear of rejection??.. maybe.. but mostly i hate feeling distant from the ones i care about... finally im getting this out of my system... no more whining about this!!!... here's to better days!!.. :)

The Iron Princess Speaketh

i sometimes refer to myself as the "iron princess"... the steely exterior, the impression i tend to leave on others, and the nothing-can-touch-me attitude... but what most people forget is that im human too... i take 'dont judge a book by its cover' seriously... because im a very different person from i who i show myself to be... i just wish people would stop judging me.. people aren't always who they show themselves to be... most people with the strongest of exteriors have the softest of hearts and are the most sensitive ones... the balls-to-the-world attitude is there just so that no one can hurt me.. or so i think... i somehow almost always tend to trust the wrong people... and every time i get my trust broken, i promise myself that i wont let it happen again... but like they say, some people never change!!.. im way too easy to fool... because im too stubborn... because i dont like the world we live in... the deceptions, the lies, the hypocrisy, the works... because i genuinely care about people.. because i dont understand people who trample over others.. because i despise how we judge everyone and everything that comes our way... because i want to make a difference... because i live in my own dream world... because i need a reality check!!!

finally...

I'm FINALLY over u... FINALLY!!!... at least i hope that this time i am... :-)
i need a lot of support for this... the more i think about letting u go, the more i end up thinking about u... but hopefully this is it!!..

Tears in Heaven

i have an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach... the one u get when something is about to go seriously wrong... the puzzling part is that nothing is due to happen in the near future which could go terribly wrong... barring exams which start from tomorrow... but the worse that can get is getting a zero and believe me thats not going to be new!!.. but for the past few days i feel a sudden silence engulf me every morning... the kind that occurs before storms!!!... (convert that to hindi and it makes more sense!!).. for the past 4 days ive woken up with tears in my eyes... actually its been longer than that but the past 4 days are when i started realizing that something was horribly amiss..
sleep is my vice.. i sleep when im content.. i sleep when im worried.. i sleep when im looking forward to something.. i sleep when im trying to run away from something... basically i sleep - A LOT!!!.. but somehow these days every time i go to sleep i KNOW im running away from things... i know it doesn't help in any way.. i know when i wake up im going to be feeling extremely groggy and far from fresh.. i know ill still have that sinking feeling when i wake up.. i know my demons just wont run away while im sleeping.. and i continue to sleep... i wake up late and then go back to sleep in the afternoon and when i wake up in the evening i wile away time on the internet... and then i sleep at night... but ive never had sleep this disturbed in the 19 years of my meaningless existence... thats the way i feel now...
ill talk to a friend about it but with exams coming up the poor soul is already so disturbed that i dont have the heart to give her more to ponder over... moreover im not sure what ill say... conversation has ceased to flow as it once did... ive started doubting myself more than ever before.. i cant even say im frustrated... because im not... im just plain sad... with a hint of hopelessness!!.. maybe its all just a phase.. maybe it will pass.. until then...

U were saying???

I learnt how to phase out in 2nd semester... the reason being that I didnt attend anything in my 1st semester at college... nothing, nil, nada, zilch... i guess u get the point... so basically even though i rarely attend anything in college, i tend to phase out whatever is happening around... i believe i have finally mastered the art... i look suitably interested but in my mind i tend to venture into another world... earlier it was restricted to lectures... maybe college has taken over so much of my time that i find myself tuning out while having conversations... and i see these movies where characters tune in and out at will and i feel myself increasingly becoming like that... im not apathetic, its just that i despise monotony... repetition bores the hell out of me... and sometimes i find conversations so boring that i enter into my own world... the depths of my subconscious... the formula is always the same... look like ur interested, keep saying things like umm, uh-huh, yup, seriously!! et cetera and u should be just fine..
and it woprks the other way too.. sometimes i phase out when im the one doing the talking... one minute i say something and the next minute i completely blank out on where the conversation was headed... and i also tend to jump back and forth unexpectedly and for short durations!!... its weird... but it comes in handy in classes... too bad i dont even attend 10% of my classes to put my skills to use!!.. :D
maybe it also has something to do with a space constraint... too many thoughts.. too little space to store most of them!!!.. my head is so full of useless knowledge that i possibly cant store any new thoughts... if only i had Dumbledore's Pensieve!!!...

What Are We Running After??

heard these lines after a long time and it just left me wondering... this one hit the nail on the head... its been stuck in my head ever since... the beauty of these lines!!!... its from the 1957 hit "Pyaasa"...

"Ye Mahalon, ye Takhton, ye Taajon ki Duniya,
Ye Insaan ke Dushman, Samaajon ki Duniya,
Ye Daulat ke Bhookhe, Riwaazon ki Duniya,
Ye Duniya agar mil bhi jaaye, toh kya hai?"

Listen to this here...

here's the translation:-
This world of palaces, thrones and crowns,
This world of societies that hates humanity,
This world that hungers for nothing but wealth,
Even if one obtains this world, so what?